Sunday, April 23, 2006

Guess What? EIB. Still.

Random sidenote before I get started. I had an epiphany about an hour ago. Milkshakes with alcohol content! It couldn't get any better. Then my dream was shot down when someone else informed me that they do in fact exist, and are commonly referred to as 'mudslides'. I died a little inside.

This morning demanded a 0430 wake up, in order to draw out weapons at 0500, and leave for the EIB site at 0600. Rather than hanging around our immediate area, we actually went to the spot that will be used for the testing in a few weeks, with the graders and everything. I forgot to get autographs, which I would later superimpose onto my grade sheet while marking all columns off as "Go" rather than "No Go", which in layman's terms means "You failed completely and miserably, and consequently, you suck."

"But wait there, Mr Unlikely Soldier dude, isn't today a Sunday?"

Why yes it is. It was also a fifteen or sixteen hour day. This trend will be kept up for the next few weeks. I was so distraught over this theft of my weekend that last Saturday, at Applebee's, I ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. I got kicked out. Apparently the Rule of 21 doesn't follow the Close Enough guideline. Six more months, and then I'll start posting the police reports on here too.

It was cold in the morning, the kind of cold that makes one want to piss and moan in the traditional Private fashion. But it wasn't long until I got it in my head that we were going to be there for a long time, and for the next few weeks, this is all we're really going to be doing. So I just sort of went along with it. And go figure, I learned quite a bit today.

First off, we plotted points that we could see in the distance onto a map to get the grid coordinates, and the instructor knew someone we know, and told us a story about someone in their unit accidentally shooting their own tire out in the humvee when in Iraq. We also enjoyed some map reading activities, and that's sort of confusing. Contour lines and all sorts of crazy graffiti that doesn't belong on maps, and we have to understand that gibberish? Maybe I should still be renting shitty Vin Diesel movies out to bored customers.

Before, I always had trouble with the AT-4s. They're these one time use, disposable anti-tank rocket launchers. Today though, the gods seemed to be favoring me, and the mojo was flowing. I found a way around a part of the task that I was always getting hung up on. Apparently a lot of people get hung up on the M240B machine gun, because if you do any of the simple steps out of order, its an instant No Go. I managed to do all right on that too, but then again, this is all practice, so I can't get cocky. The grader for the 240 was some E4, and really seemed to take his little position of authority to heart. We were using "his 240" and had to make sure not to step on "his sand bags", and he gave the impression that we were going to follow his rules at "his station". What a freaking hall monitor.

We did a lot of shit today, range cards, grenades (I did surprisingly well, considering I throw like a little girl on a high dose of Percocets), amidst numerous others. I planned for this to be an interesting post, but my brain is scrambled, and this is only the beginning of long workdays, so I'm better off hitting the shower and going to bed.

Tune in next episode to see how the EIB drama plays out. Same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel.


membrain said...

I follow all of your posts dude. You are an amazing writer for someone your age working under the stressful conditions you are currently experiencing. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Anonymous said...

I agree. I always read it with my hands partially covering my eyes - some things a mom just doesn't need to know! But I love it. Remember me in your credits someday.
Love ya.

Anonymous said...

If I recall correctly "Mom", that is exactly how you got through High School.
Dear old Uncle Dave
Keep up the good work Ryan. I usually send these off to your long suffering cousin in AIT at Ft. Bliss. He will be sendng death from a distance with a M198 155mm Howitzer. Big toys for big boys!

julie anna said...

LOL. Yes, they are called mudslides and I tasted my very first one last weekend. I was impressed, even though they ran out of chocolate syrup and poured in way to much alcohol.