Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dude, Where's My Post?

So yes, we did in fact spend the night in the field, and what a magical day it was. We walked through the woods with mortar equipment, randomly setting up when instructed to. To anyone who, for some ungodly reason, has ever wondered what its like to move through the woods with all that gear, imagine what it would sound like if elephants were tiptoeing through a forest. Gear snagging on branches and bushes, which then cordially welcome you to their habitat by striking you in the face. Once night fell, we practiced even more emplacement drills. I could write about flossing my teeth, and it would be more interesting.

After we finished, we basically stood around and BSed, sharing stories with our First Sergeant, it was pretty sweet, and you would have had to have been there. Too bad you weren't. It was cooler than Tony Danza.

The next morning, we packed up. A friend of mine and I decided we were going to ambush our supply sergeant, who was picking up breakfast for us. We loaded up a mag of blanks each and walked a for a while down the road, and found a pile of broken furniture and vacuums, etc, that we used to block the road. I climbed into a tree that hid me from his view as he approached, and gave me a perfect shot when he'd stop and get out to move all the junk. Taking my blank adapter off (to make the shot louder and more intimidating), my friend and I decided that once I fired, he'd pop up with his rifle on burst and really let him have it.

Yes, we're total geeks. Its awesome.

And so we waited in our positions, with anticipation welling up inside us. I felt like a liddle kid again, waiting to nail someone with a water balloon. We waited, and waited, and waited. Soon, we hear his truck coming, and realize he took a different road. Ruined.

So we walked back, feeling useless, and I decided that I was going to get him, one way or another. Our platoon sergeant had prior knowledge of our ambush, as it was his idea. My friend went back to the camp, and I started stalking through the brush. Within thirty seconds, my pants were soaked from crawling through the bushes and across the moss. I got a decent visual of some of the camp, but couldn't positively ID my mark, so I get back down and crawl some more.

At a snails pace, I'm getting closer, while the whole time I can hear them talking as they eat, and I wonder if they can hear me. My arms were smoked in no time, crawling that distance, but this was too good. For some geeky reason, I was all fired up to commit this solitary annoying and ultimately inconsequential act.

I had finally made it so close, another minute or two, and I'd have a guaranteed shot, seeing as I was only sporting an M4, and not some godly sniper rifle. Unfortunately, by then, it was time to start loading up, so my platoon sergeant is calling for me to get my ass back there. "Dammit" doesn't quite say it, but its an excellent try. Turns out, they didn't know I was there, which was surprising. If they'd posted guards, I'd have been found I'm sure.

So we're getting ready to load up, and my platoon sergeant takes off. Then he turns right back around and tells us that the sergeant major is on his way out. So me and my pal set up a couple roadblocks, where we can supervise two roads. We pile up big branches that no humvee would want to drive over. I take cover behind a berm and he occupies a hole, and we wait. After a good ten to fifteen minutes pass, a big green deuce and a half truck comes rolling in and annihilates our roadblock. Great. So once again, we decide to bring it back in.

Turns out, he was never coming. Go figure. By now, I was frustrated, and I was talking with the supply sergeant, my previous mark, and he asked me what happened with our supposed ambush. I explained what had happened as I screwed my blank adapter (basically a metal plug that attaches to the end of the barrel for use with blank rounds) back onto my weapon.

He turned his back to get something out of his truck, and I lit him up, twenty rounds. I wish you all could have seen him jump. It wasn't as glorious as I had originally planned, but dammit, I got him. I filled my tag.

Since then, nothing cool has happened. I'm now busy converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

1 comment:

membrain said...

You'r a good writer with a great sense of humour. I enjoy reading your posts.