Monday, January 09, 2006

Slow Motion

There really isn't anything going on at all. Tiny little busywork tasks and a whole lot of waiting mixed with canceled tasks and more minor details. What day of the week is it? Monday still? Oh my god. This whole week might be like this. Its almost been a year now, and its gone by pretty quick, but days like these just crawl. I'd like to sleep in my old bed right about now, to alleviate the boredom if nothing else.

But at the same time, you can't come home again. Just like they say. I think I touched on this earlier. I felt pretty out of place during leave. Here, this is all the norm. All the miserable crap, the same faces, same routine, nearly repetitive days and fixed schedule mixed in with the same after hours time wasting and the same conversations. No, we aren't brainwashed, not in the sense of the word people like to think. Maybe conditioned, and not even that is intentional if you ask me. It just happens. I wonder if some of these guys keep re-enlisting because they don't know what they're going to do when they get out. I wouldn't doubt it. Hopefully I won't be that guy.

The army is all right, don't get me wrong, but I did have a life that I planned on resuming after this little pseudo-patriotic endeavor. Its easy to get cynical, and I'm only talking about the day to day crap and the hint of isolation from the civilian world. God knows what deployment is like. Anyone who reads long enough is probably going to find out second hand though.

I think at one point I felt really righteous about us going to Iraq or Afghanistan or wherever we think we might go but probably won't. But now that I think about it, what are we even doing? I mean, I have no idea why we invaded Iraq. I've watched plenty of the news, I've seen Fahrenheit 9/11 and a few other Bush bashing films, and done a decent amount of reading online, but when you get down to it, its really just words. How are you supposed to know who to trust? You can spend your whole life thinking about it, but it probably won't get you anywhere. That's why I don't think I'll ever give a shit about politics. Trusting other imperfect humans to lead us is a huge leap of faith.

At the same time, you've got the dreamers. The John Lennons, who want the whole world to get along, and seem to think that its possible. No offense to them, its a great idea, but not gonna happen anytime soon. Conflict is part of human life. Yeah, it sucks, but what can you do? This is just life. Things are a lot messier than we would have envisioned it. Best thing to do is just drive on, do your job, do your thing when you're off duty, and try not to get sucked into the bullshit more than you have to.

I honestly don't feel like I'm going to make any difference in the (most likely temporary) outcome of Iraq's "struggle for independence", if that's even what it really is. I'm not depressed or anything, but when I actually think about it, the situation of the entire world seems funny to me. We care about the stupidest shit, and don't pay much attention to the important things. No one's perfect though, and no matter what, life will go on. Just a few disconnected thoughts that happened to sneak onto the net through my keystrokes.

1 comment:

Jen said...

"We care about the stupidest shit, and don't pay much attention to the important things."

What are the important things, to you?