Thursday, November 17, 2005

Vaccinations

When I first processed into the army, I received all sorts of injections. An asston in each arm. And one penicillin injection in the buttcheek, which we called the "peanut butter shot" because it feels like someone is shooting peanut butter into your ass. It leaves a massive muscle knot or something, so it feels like there's a golf ball hibernating in your left cheek. It was interesting.

When I arrived here at Fort Lewie, I was fortunate enough to receive some more injections, but not the peanutter butter shot. This morning, we were given a flu vaccination or something. It was the same as the one we received at 30th AG during inprocessing before basic, except some new strand of the flu, or something crazy like that. That, or its the T virus from those Resident Evil games. So I figure I'll either be immune to a new flu, or else I'll become a zombie, and spend the rest of my days acting in the sequels to Shaun of The Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Land of the Dead, Everything Else of the Dead, and the Resident Evil series. Whichever works. If I'm lucky, I can even be an advisor to the director. Or else I just won't get really sick. I'm not sure. I just work here.

For these flu vaccinations, rather than shoving a needle in you for the fun of it, they take this syringe thing, which has no needle. You tilt your head back, they stick the tip of it in your nose and squirt it in there while you snort it. When it drips down from your sinuses, you get to swallow it. Coke-head jokes ensued. I'll let you all know when I start to feel like Chevy Chase's career lately. Hopefully it will never get that bad.

Yours truly,
Audie Murphy

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