Monday, November 14, 2005

The Patient

I'm not totally in it right now. I could try to write a decent introductory paragraph, or in some way try to make this a really good post, but why? I'll just say what I have to say, and let it be mediocre.

I fucking HATE some of the mentalities that soldiers instill in each other. The natural distrust of civilians, for one. Womanizing. Not everyone is guilty of it, but I see it enough. The idea that its ok to cheat, or to take advantage of a girl who's had too much to drink.

That's right, friends and readers and my chain of command and everything else wasting its time reading this. I'm a fag now because I didn't try to get my swerve on with someone who was way too messed up. She's really cool, and she doesn't deserve it.

I'm pissed off at soldiers in general, myself included. Self-pitying, negative, alcoholic shit-talking retards. No, we aren't all like that. There are a few of us who don't slip into it. A small collective that don't regress. I'm walking the line myself. No one has anything good to say, anything positive. In a light hearted manner, I heard two of my friends talk about marriage and college and cheating and anything in general, and it brought me down.

I can't even find the write words to say to describe what's eating me. I hate almost everyone around me, save for a very small group of people. I'm sick of hearing the retarded things everyone has to say. Sick of the same group of dudes who can't ever drop a tough man act. If I had it my way, I'd end their Who's Dick Is Bigger contest by having them all just fight it out with each other. Don't try to convince everyone that you're hard. I don't know about everyone else, but I really don't fucking care. You don't impress me. You're an idiot.

Most of us soldiers are morons. Maybe jarhead is a good term. Fuck it, I don't even care if everyone stereotypes us as that. Seems to the be the majority. Atleast at the lower level. The Joes. The pieces of shit are usually fewer and farther between in some of the higher ranks.

It just feels like everyone's degrading and I don't want to go down with them. Keyword is WITH. I'll degrade on my own in my room, with my laptop, good music, and interesting people on the other end of the line. This'll pass too.

I'm just sick of trying to convince people that we aren't warmongering death machines. I don't care what anti-war people are saying anymore. I don't care what pro-war people are saying. I don't care if the whole country, the whole world hates us or loves us. I'm not serving your country. I'm existing under its control. When I go to Iraq, I'll be serving my country's interests. K, whatever, that's fine.

June 2009, I might get my life back. I'm sick of Joe.


Anonymous said...

"I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." --Robert Frost

Anonymous said...

Friend...10 years as a soldier, multiple deployments.

You will feel this one again.

Be what you want others to be now.

Drink a beer.

Anonymous said...

Have heard the same story from our ARNG "adopt-a-son" who is due to graduate from Ft. Benning soon.
Hang tough and keep your values. Found your blog a week ago and look forward to your writings.

membrain said...

It's hard being an individual in the Army, but you're doing the right thing hanging on to your values. Negativity is infectious. I'm not so sure however that the majority of people your age going to college are not experiencing similar things. Binge drinking on campus is out of control. Date rape is becoming a game. And anyone who isn't a college student (i.e. civilian) is an asshole.

As Sinatra put it:

That's life
That's what the people say
You're riding high in April
Shot down in May
I know I've got to change my tune
When I get back up on top in June

That's life
Funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks from stepping on a dream
I don't let it get me down
This big old world keeps spinning round

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up, down, over and out
And I know one thing
Every time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
I can't deny it
I thought of quitting but my heart wouldn't buy it
If I don't think it's worth a try
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die

Bye bye
Bye bye

Shel said...

I hate all that anti-war bullshit too. Try not to let it get to you. People have no idea what they are talking about. Fuck 'em your fine