Thursday, September 29, 2005

Carbon Stained Fingers

I decided to be cool and change the colors of the page so that attempting to read my posts doesn't blind anyone, so hopefully now you won't have the after-image of my idiotext burned into your corneas.

Nothing necessarily humorous has happened today. We woke up (too) early to draw our weapons from the arms room in order to head to one of the ranges to qualify (again) with the wonderful M4A1 assault rifle of Holy Goodness. It seems I can never score higher than Marksman on these. I usually get the same score, in fact, I've only had a one-point variation so far.

This is really frustrating, because the first firing order I went through today, I am almost certain that I qualified for Sharpshooter status, maybe even narrowly missing Expert. Once the time came to hear our scores, we find that the computers were acting up. So all we got to know what whether we ranked as Not Qualified, Marksman, Sharpshooter, or Expert. I grimaced and prepared to hear the word "marksman", as my luck just rules like that.

HAHAAHHHAH, you could only be so lucky, kid.

I was informed that I didn't qualify, though I watched a lot of targets go down when I shot them. Riiiiiiiight. So I ended up having to fire again, and the second time around, the blame fell completely on me. While in the foxhole, I just shot like shit, missed shots I normally never do. I missed nine out of twenty I think. Once we moved to the prone unsupported position for the second half of the qualification, I kicked ass.

Marksman.

So once again, I meet the minimum standard. Sorry to anyone who came across this blog hoping to hear from some gung ho Rambo G.I. Joe badass. I don't plan on making anything up or sugarcoating anything, because I don't need to lie to myself. You're getting the cold, hard truth. I struggle with this profession. I endure, I survive, I moan and groan, I sweat, I hate, and I laugh. The day passes, and the next comes. All things considered, I enjoy it.

The rest of today will be spent cleaning weapons. I'm already done, because I'm the best soldier ever, and I am absolutely 100% squared away. Oh, and I look somewhat like the skinny dude from Road Trip and The New Guy, only I am infinitely more attractive, and females desire me above food, water, and oxygen.

Someday, I will dethrone Ben Stiller as the King of Awkward.

2 comments:

themorethingschange... said...

"... I struggle with this profession. I endure, I survive, I moan and groan, I sweat, I hate, and I laugh. The day passes, and the next comes. All things considered, I enjoy it."

hmm .. sounds like the perfect description of a life well lived to me .. ~P~

themorethingschange... said...

"Someday, I will dethrone Ben Stiller as the King of Awkward."

Nay, thou art the Crown Prince of the Kingdom of Nuance .. The King of Awkward is not worthy.

~P~