Monday, January 17, 2005


I enlisted today. I head to Butte on Wednesday to do the MEPS fun stuff. I'll tell you ALL about it.

Kind of a surreal moment for me, I walk into my bathroom, brushing my teeth, and there's a spider chilling out in my toilet, along the inside of the bowl, above the water. I find this to be kind of odd, and I wonder to myself exactly why a spider would feel the uncontrollable urge to do so, why he would be beyond compelled to traverse my porcelain throne. I could come up with no logical answer. So I asked him.

He didn't say anything.

Not even Name, Rank, and Serial Number. What a rebel. So I considered flushing the toilet. I actually sat there and deliberated for probably a minute, watching that funky little arachnid just sit there. Like any good person who doesn't want a welt on their ass the next time they grab a cold white chair, I hit the flusher.

The survivalistic bastard crawled like a salmon spawning upstream to a spot where water wasnt threatening to wash his 8 legged ass down the pooper pipe. I stared for a moment, then promptly wrinkled my face and scratched my head, completely perplexed, as this was not a simplistic enemy as I had once thought.

Once again, I stood in deliberation, trying to decide if killing a creature after it had worked that hard to live was morally wrong. I mean I was seriously stuck on this. So I decided that I'd let him go and hope that he got enough common sense together to escape from the death trap of shit gobbling goodness.

When I returned a half hour later, completely curious, I noted that the poor bastard was laying in the middle of the water, drowned. After all that confusion, and him working like a mofo to not get flushed, the idiot decided to go for a swim.

Can't save em all.

I didn't like the idea of a corpse in my crapper, so I flushed. Only the dead have seen the end of toilet bowls.


Anonymous said...

True story,yo.

Anonymous said...

poor spider :(

Thirteen said...

"I didn't like the idea of a corpse in my crapper, so I flushed. Only the dead have seen the end of toilet bowls."